Real women’s stories of dating serial cheaters In short, where polyamory is a two way street based on trust and communication, these serial cheaters would rather have all the relationship variety and excitement that comes with ethical non-monogamy without the hard work and transparency. “ who cheat in monogamous relationships seek exclusivity from their partner, but they’re not willing to be exclusive themselves.” “In polyamory, non-exclusivity is required from both parties,” she explains. Well, in Callisto’s opinion, the psychological profile of a serial cheater isn’t always compatible with polyamory: they don’t just want to have multiple relationships, they want control and exclusive commitment from each partner. One has to wonder, what’s stopping serial cheaters from ethically pursuing their desires by embracing polyamory or an open relationship – particularly as it slowly becomes less stigmatised. All of this is to suggest that, among the couples that decide to stay together through infidelity, there will likely be partners who go on to cheat repeatedly and equally partners who decide to stay throughout multiple affairs. But research from the same year also suggests that once individuals have cheated, they are three times more likely to do so again. So know we know a bit more about the profile of a serial cheater, what about the type of person who ends up in a relationship with them? And what causes them to look the other way whenĪccording to a 2017 study, 12.7 percent of committed couples in the US – more than one in ten – stayed together after one partner engaged in a long term affair. Why is it so hard to leave a cheating partner? While individuals have no control over the trauma that they experience in their upbringing, as adults they have to take accountability for their actions and work to recognise negative patterns in their own relationships. However, it's important to note that Callisto's comments aren't defending compulsive cheaters. “Cheating often happens due to low self-esteem, due to the need for emotional or sexual fulfillment, a way of coping mechanism or defending mechanism due to problems within the relationship, childhood traumas,” Callisto explains.Īccording to her, cheating can be learned behaviour, picked up in developmental years from seeing and hearing parents or people around them go through relationship difficulties as well. But what makes someone capable of repeated betrayals of trust? When I ask Callisto Adams PhD, founder of and relationship expert and coach, what compels people to repeatedly cheat on their partners, her answer actually seems quite logical. It’s an extreme example, but my experience isn’t one in a million - other people have suffered at the hands of compulsive cheats. I was just one of the pawns in his game, someone who catered to his stupid ego and made him bold. He wasn’t just cheating on me with one or two people but with thirteen others and promising all them relationships, too. I say all this because I happened to be one of these unfortunate souls, in a relationship with a man who confused this emotional and psychological torture for the word “love”. All of their lying and sneaking around can get you to a space where you question your self-esteem and even your sanity. Well, in answer to that second question, being with a serial cheater is exhausting and it can completely mess you up. “I was just one of the pawns in his game, someone who catered to his stupid ego and made him bold” But what about the repeat offenders - those with a long history of infidelity, who just can’t help themselves from stepping out on their partners with multiple other people? And, importantly, what’s it like to actually date these people? I dated a serial cheater We can’t condemn every single person who cheats and cheating doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. But there are so many reasons why people cheat: whether it’s that they’re feeling unappreciated in the relationship, their sexual needs aren't being fulfilled, or they’re struggling to keep the romantic spark alive. And in 2020, Ashley Madison, the dating network for extramarital affairs, reached a whopping 70 million registered users.Įven without the statistics, we all know someone that’s cheated or been cheated on, and it could even be something that’s affected us in our own relationships. According to a 2018 study in the Netherlands, between 18% and 25% of Tinder users are already in a committed relationship - meaning a quarter of swipers could be cheats. Ever been in a romantic relationship with a cheater? Well, you're not alone.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |